Even for me to go back and read how I was processing everything that happened at those intervals of time seems a bit surreal.
Two years out it’s hard not to get frustrated, hard to not be angry. The fact that I still have to suffer hyper-vigilance startle response dozens of times a day. The fact that I’ll never sing again. The fact that I am still in trauma counseling every week. The nightmares, the impact on our family. All for what? They got nothing. They sought to steal money donated to build a desperately needed hospital in their country. And here were are 24 months later – me and my family still paying the price.
That’s not a struggle that can be addressed with a simple Sunday school answer.
Here’s what I have learned:
there are things that I won’t understand this side of eternity.
That’s hard to accept. But honestly, for me at least, that’s easier than trying to accept that I can, should, or will make sense of it all.
I still cling to two beliefs: God is powerful. God is Good.
If those two are both true – then there must be something about this that I don’t understand. And I have to be OK with that.
There are of course ways I can see some kind of good come out of this – or it being worked out for good eventually. But to be honest – it always feels like quite a stretch.
So I guess I do go back to my Sunday school response: God is good. God is powerful.